The life and times of Skintight Jaguars

The Getstuck Inn

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Good Friday – it turns out – wasn’t nearly as ‘good’ as the name suggested. Give it the name Mediocre Friday instead and I’d still expect the money back.

A classic Jaguar night on the town started off with horrific amounts of cider, dark rum and crap chat up lines in The Enterprise – and culminated with Ryan getting punched in the face while waiting for the N20.

Hilarity ensued in a blur of blood, bravado and beer goggles.

Particularly when I asked the cops to give me a fiver to go into the G Lounge and coax out the dickhead responsible with some good old fashioned fisticuffs. I reckoned he was in there due to the fact it was hosting some shit RnB night. Where else would a chancing thug hang out I ask? Deduction, my dear Watson! blah blah etc.

Anyway, the idea was that I’d go in and shake my fist at him in an “I hate you Butler!” kind of fashion and he’d be tempted to tussle with me outside (sleeves rolled up, no hitting below the belt, anchor tattoos optional) at which point the cops could pounce on him.

Ryan pointed out that life wasn’t like an episode of 24. (It’s more like The Bill but with even worse acting)

So we went home and cooked chips. They were showing Queen live at Wembley on TMF at 5am. 

I must’ve been pretty battered, I found a text the next day that I’d sent to myself, simply stating: “Old slapper in a puddle”.

If you know why I sent this, keep it to yourself. ‘Cos I don’t give a fuckin’ monkeys mate.

Next week’s whimsical story from Kip: ‘How to drink a cup of tea after you’ve dropped a fag end in it’.  


Written by kiplegend

March 31, 2008 at 10:42 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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